Many years ago - not long after Jeff and I were married - we had a knock-down-drag-out-why-did-we-ever-get-married fight over three little words: I love you. Several times a day - every day - Jeff would say, "I love you." However, I did not. It took a bucket of tears and a box of Kleenex for us to understand each other's way of expressing feelings.
Jeff readily says what he feels. He is a heart-on-his-sleeve musician who is willing to sing love songs at the top of his lungs while waltzing me through Caesar's Palace. I, on the other hand, am not so vocal with my passions. As a writer, I generally think words are cheap, so I never want to merely pay lip service to the connection we share. Thus, I show Jeff I love him by taking care of him. I make sure the laundry gets done. I fix breakfast every morning. I find a way to pay for his little luxuries, even at the expense of my own. I buy him gifts. Unfortunately, when we were younger, he didn't really understand this form of affection. In his defense, I didn't understand his constant need to tell me he loves me, yet never do anything specific to back it up. Needless to say, we worked through this communication quirk and live together quite happily. Over the years I have learned to tell him I love him every day, and he has learned to show me he loves me in little ways - making me a cup of coffee in the morning, putting a smiley face note in my lunch box, or resetting the screen saver message on my computer.
These days, the communication problem isn't with Jeff, but rather his "mini-me." I've been telling the hubby that Jade is a carbon copy of him for more than a decade; however it is just recently that he actually sees the resemblance himself. Jade and I have spent the last three weeks arguing over stupid mistakes we've both made. He thinks I nag too much and want to control him; I think my job as a mom is to remind him where to be when. Like his dad, he doesn't understand that my way of telling him I love him is to "help" him, even when he doesn't want it. (After all, when I'm right, I'm right. Right?) I know he's trying to grow up and that I should just get out of the way, but it's hard. I guess I'll have to resort to notes in his backpack that say "Have a great day," in lieu of getting in the car each morning asking, "Did you pick up your homework?"
This friction between us is pretty new. Sure, we've had arguments and the occasional, "You're not fair!" statement that is typical of kids, but we've always just sort of understood each other. Jeff and Jade were always the duo on the outs, constantly bickering and picking at everything the other said - so alike they couldn't stand each other at times - while I was the referee and the voice of reason. Somehow that relationship has disappeared as the guys have become two peas in a pod, and I'm a leaf clinging to the vine well outside the safety zone dangling in the wind. I'm confident this phase will pass, and we will once again see eye-to-eye (mostly), but not until another tissue box is empty, and I find a way to show him I love him that won't drive him crazy. (Provided I don't strangle him first.)
Jeff readily says what he feels. He is a heart-on-his-sleeve musician who is willing to sing love songs at the top of his lungs while waltzing me through Caesar's Palace. I, on the other hand, am not so vocal with my passions. As a writer, I generally think words are cheap, so I never want to merely pay lip service to the connection we share. Thus, I show Jeff I love him by taking care of him. I make sure the laundry gets done. I fix breakfast every morning. I find a way to pay for his little luxuries, even at the expense of my own. I buy him gifts. Unfortunately, when we were younger, he didn't really understand this form of affection. In his defense, I didn't understand his constant need to tell me he loves me, yet never do anything specific to back it up. Needless to say, we worked through this communication quirk and live together quite happily. Over the years I have learned to tell him I love him every day, and he has learned to show me he loves me in little ways - making me a cup of coffee in the morning, putting a smiley face note in my lunch box, or resetting the screen saver message on my computer.
These days, the communication problem isn't with Jeff, but rather his "mini-me." I've been telling the hubby that Jade is a carbon copy of him for more than a decade; however it is just recently that he actually sees the resemblance himself. Jade and I have spent the last three weeks arguing over stupid mistakes we've both made. He thinks I nag too much and want to control him; I think my job as a mom is to remind him where to be when. Like his dad, he doesn't understand that my way of telling him I love him is to "help" him, even when he doesn't want it. (After all, when I'm right, I'm right. Right?) I know he's trying to grow up and that I should just get out of the way, but it's hard. I guess I'll have to resort to notes in his backpack that say "Have a great day," in lieu of getting in the car each morning asking, "Did you pick up your homework?"
This friction between us is pretty new. Sure, we've had arguments and the occasional, "You're not fair!" statement that is typical of kids, but we've always just sort of understood each other. Jeff and Jade were always the duo on the outs, constantly bickering and picking at everything the other said - so alike they couldn't stand each other at times - while I was the referee and the voice of reason. Somehow that relationship has disappeared as the guys have become two peas in a pod, and I'm a leaf clinging to the vine well outside the safety zone dangling in the wind. I'm confident this phase will pass, and we will once again see eye-to-eye (mostly), but not until another tissue box is empty, and I find a way to show him I love him that won't drive him crazy. (Provided I don't strangle him first.)
No comments:
Post a Comment