Frustration

Some days are just filled with frustration. Endless lines, traffic, annoying people at work, and overwhelming tasks are just few examples of what throws my frustration meter into the red. Of course, the kicker is staring at a blank screen on Blogger for at least 20 minutes while my mind culls through the remnants of the day trying to find a worthwhile topic of discussion. Should I write about the new stick on fingernail polish strips that I really like? Nah...too trivial. How about the new standards being implemented in math and English? Nah...too much education-ese. What about people who make off-hand, insulting comments and are too oblivious to know they've offended someone? Nah...too whiny. There's always the news article about how Mexico wants the U.S. to declare an "emergency" rule and require gun stores along the border to report semi-automatic / long gun sales in an effort to staunch the flow of weapons to drug cartels. (The bit of irony here is, of course, that the U.S. would like Mexico to stop the flow of illegal aliens crossing the border. Looks like neither side is getting its way.) Nah...too controversial. My next option is a discussion of being a proud parent since my son aced a difficult lab report in honors chemistry, but that seems a little too peacock-ish. So, I'm left with the topic of frustration.

Of course we're all familiar with the adage, "no pain - no gain" or "April showers bring May flowers," but I think Faulkner puts the idea more eloquently with "People need trouble - a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it." The pervasive concept that frustration is a good thing sometimes bothers me. Yes, spiritual growth comes from struggle and enlightenment; however, day-to-day frustrations with a society that has lost sight of basic values is not about becoming a better person. Or is it? Is my ability to keep my wits and focus during an 8-hour meeting in which a large group of English teachers dissected new standards good for me? Does the fact that I sat in a rather long line at the vehicle emissions testing station without so much as one heavy sigh mean that I'm on the road to patience? I don't think so. These frustrations, in the grand scheme of things, seem pretty trivial. Actually, most frustrations - when taken as part of the big picture - seem pretty trivial. Then, why do we get so annoyed? Perhaps it is because we have a limited amount of time - only 24 hours in a day - to accomplish all our tasks. So, whenever some random event (or person) interferes with the little time keeper in our head saying, "Aren't you done yet? - Tick tock! Tick tock!" we get upset.

I've noticed that some people are actually good at being frustrated. We all know these people; they're the Eeyore's of the world. (Thanks for noticing.) These people have made a life of being constantly annoyed. A prime example of this is Andy Rooney. His perpetually furrowed brow and whining voice strike a chord with each of us. As he discusses someone's rude behavior in a department store, we nod our heads in sympathy and empathy. As he makes a cynical comment on society, we release a knowing chuckle. All of us can relate to his experiences. Actually, that's the cool part of frustration: like every emotion, it's universal. Perhaps we should find a way to harness this notion of frustration as a common bond among all people. Wouldn't that be the greatest irony of all?

Money, money, money

The American dream of a little cottage with a white picket fence in a pastoral setting has passed us by. These days more is better and enough isn't. Why aren't we satisfied with a cozy little home, decent clothes, and plenty of food? Why do we have to have the largest house on the block, drive the fastest car (You know, the one that will garner multiple speeding tickets and higher insurance rates.) wear the $200 Lucky Brand jeans or the $300 Jimmy Choo designer shoes? Once upon a time the American dream was a well-defined common goal. Now, it's a nebulous category called "stuff." We're all so afraid of missing out on the latest techy toys that we spend more hours working than ever before just to purchase something we don't have time to play with.

Vacations are just another status symbol. When school starts every year I hear endless stories of two weeks in Europe, an Alaskan cruise, and surfing off of Maui. While all these sound grand (and like something I'd love to do), I know many of the people who are bragging spent money they didn't have on credit cards they'll be paying off for years to come - long after they've forgotten where they stored the vacation's scrapbook. Don't get me wrong; I am a believer in the work-hard-play-hard philosophy of life, but I'm also a believer in pay as you go. Still, it's often tempting to book that all-inclusive Jamaican resort holiday and make some payments in return for the instant gratification of looking forward to a great summer trip and fall bragging rights.

These days, though, I'm more interested in making the place I come home to 50 weeks of the year better. Even here, the temptation is to take out an equity line of credit, redesign the entire kitchen with granite counters and high-end cabinetry, create a second master suite from our current offices, build a wet bar / kitchenette in the basement game room, and purchase plush theater seats for movie night. The list goes on and on, but (once again) none of these items is necessary - none will grant me fulfillment or magically make my day-to-day life better. However lovely the dream is, I still must subscribe to the don't-do-it-if-you-can't-pay-for-it method of home improvement. This, of course, limits what a person can and cannot have forcing him to make choices about lifestyle, use, etc. As Jeff and I consider making some changes to our nest, the guiding questions is, "How will this enhance our lives?" If the answer is, "It won't; it just looks cool," the item is on the chopping block. We are looking to streamline the way we live and simplify our home to create an oasis of tranquility in our chaotic world - a spa vacation every night. This is a do-able goal on a tight budget with plenty of sweat equity. Over the years, our idea of the American dream has become less and less stuff with more and more time to enjoy it and each other. If the housing market were better, we might even downsize to a smaller place requiring less maintenance. Since we can't have that, though, we're trying to create that lifestyle with what we already have through smart choices and careful spending.

A Year's Worth of Progress

Beginning next year teachers will be evaluated on whether or not their students make “a year’s worth of progress” in a given subject area. (So far, it seems this type of evaluation will apply only to math, science, English, and reading teachers.) Of course, this raises some major questions for both teachers and students. First, what does a year’s worth of progress look like? How will it be measured? How can one prove the specific amount of progress that has been made? Second, if students don’t make a year’s worth of progress, does that mean they fail or don’t get credit for the class? Next, what happens to teachers who have kids who don’t make a year’s worth of progress? (Current talk is that every teacher will have his/her name published in the newspaper with a grade that denotes how well the students did.) What about the kids who don’t come to school regularly? What about the kids who change schools every couple of months? What about special needs kids? What about English language learners? What about teachers who have remedial versus average versus advanced students? What about all the levels of skill within each class? As you can see, this has more tangles than a cat in yarn store.

I’m not sure how I feel about this turn of events. On one hand, I am happy that teachers who currently skate by – spending little time and effort on tougher writing skills – will have to come up to par. On the other hand, I don’t know many teachers like this. The teachers I know spend countless hours writing lesson plans, creating assignments, and grading essays. Like any job, some teachers have more skill than others. We are human and come with our various strengths and weaknesses. I know a couple of teachers who can put together the most amazing literature units that help kids connect all kinds of themes and ideas with their lives, while others can teach kids to produce fabulous essays. The high school English curriculum is so varied – ranging from content, style, and process in writing to analysis of myriad literary genres – I’m just not sure how anyone could do everything at such an outstanding level that an outsider could tell all students made a year’s worth of growth.

In addition, I’m worried about how we will handle kids who have no support, no family, no home. Some of our kids spend each morning trying to figure out where they’re going to sleep that night and just don’t care about making a year’s worth of progress in academic writing. It is enough for them to get a couple of free meals at school and find friends who will let them crash on their couches for the week. These kids’ needs extend far beyond the help I can give them. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (basic education for all teachers), people must have their physiological and safety-related needs met before all others. We as a society must make sure kids have clean clothes, safe havens, and good food before we can even ask them to do well in school.

Ultimately, I know I will deal with whatever evaluation system is placed before me, but I’m still worried. I’m worried that many good teachers will quit because they can’t be everything to everyone. Somehow, in 50 minutes a day, for 180 days, I will have to be mother, coach, teacher, counselor, and friend to 150 kids who don’t think that being able to write a great essay or understand a great book is important. Pray for me; I’ll need it.

Seeing Red

Today is National Wear Red, which is meant to raise awareness of heart disease in women. After donning my bright, satiny red shirt this morning, I decided to take stock of how many others were sporting the vibrant hue and what it might say about each of us. As I walked through the day, I noticed only a few women at Skyline dressed in red. Most wore the school colors (Friday = spirit day), but many wore neither, which seemed to make those of us decked in scarlet all the more noticeable - bright cardinals (yes, I know the males are red) against a sea of oh-so-average-looking pigeons (or perhaps flaming ships upon a dark, stormy sea, or one of a hundred other metaphors denoting our stark contrast).

In addition, I noticed those who chose red today carried themselves with assurance and strength as they made their way through throngs of students. Many of these women project themselves in this manner every other day, as well. For example, our community liaison officer is in her late 70's and is a cancer survivor. She comes to school every day to help our kids who struggle with terrible family situations, to communicate with non-English speaking parents, and to run English language learner tutoring sessions during study hall. Here is a woman who is well-known, well-loved, and well-respected by faculty and kids alike; a woman who serves as a role-model even to veteran teachers. Another woman dressed in red today was our principal's secretary. She, like our liaison lady, works behind the scenes but is vital to our school. Every good teacher knows that if something needs to be done, the most expedient route is through the boss's secretary, who juggles paperwork for budget, supplies, paychecks, substitutes, conferences, calendars, and a million other tasks (not the least of which is knowing where the boss is at any given time). Though the work is never-ending and frequently exhausting, she comes to school every day with a smile on her face and a kind word for everyone she meets.

The quiet strength of these women, and many others with whom I work, is a testament to the strength of women in general. Thus, wearing red today is fitting on many levels beyond the obvious connection of hearts and blood. Red has been a symbol of power for centuries. For example, in medieval Europe, only kings, judges, cardinals, and executioners (who held power over life and death) wore red. Angels attending Christ's birth are often depicted in red robes. The color has the physical effects of increasing respiration and blood pressure in viewers - igniting their passions, if you will. Ultimately, red symbolizes an untamed spirit and vitality which strong women use to make this world a better place. I thank you - each of you - for showing up to life every day and giving it everything you have, no matter what color you're wearing.

Guest Speaker

I’ve been told that you know you’ve spent too much time with someone when you start finishing each other’s sentences.  That’s a rather negative way to say it.  I prefer “You know you’ve met the perfect person when you start finishing each other’s sentences.”   What does it say when you finish your partner's blog? 

Jen’s been out sick from work for three days and things have backed up on her.  In addition, today is payday - the day Jen balances the checkbook and pays the bills.  She knows better than to let me near the money.  I’m a musician.  I can’t count past four.

The truth is Jen and I have a great relationship.  We share the chores.  She cooks and I clean up.  I wash and she folds or sometimes the other way around.  She puts food in the cats, I clean the litterbox. (I’m not so sure that one is fair.)

Jen is the confident one with all the bravado, and I’m the one with my heart on my sleeve, until I get onstage and then we swap roles.  Jen has always been my support.  Years ago when I wanted to try my luck as a performer, she encouraged me.  I didn’t make nearly enough money, but I got to sing and dance in front of an audience several times a day.  It did a lot for my self-esteem.  When we were teaching in Safford, AZ, I wanted to try our luck in Las Vegas.  Even though she was content in Safford, she knew I wasn’t and she supported me.  Las Vegas did a lot for me as a teacher, but it was horrible for Jen.

We’ve done a lot together.  We’ve taken vacations on both coasts, cruised to Mexico three times, (Mexico wasn’t worth it but the cruises were.), gone to lots of zoos, aquariums, museums and theme parks. 

A few years ago Jen applied for a grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities (NEH) to spend a week in Amherst studying Emily Dickinson.  She got to spend a week surrounded by a town that loves Dickinson as much as she does.  I was and am very proud of all the things she does.  Recently she forwarded me a notice about an NEH grant to spend a month in Vienna studying Mozart.  She thinks I’ll get chosen.  I’m not so sure, but it doesn’t really matter.  Jen believes in me.  She completes me, and to help her out tonight, I’ve completed her blog.

T.V. for Night Owls

After three days at home coupled with sleepless nights spent channel surfing on the couch I have become addicted to late-night television. As a teacher, I seldom stay up past 9 p.m., except in the summer time, so I miss all the good stuff. To accommodate our schedule, we watch television on DVD a season behind everyone else. (I know. My friends keep saying, "Don't you have TiVo?" Obviously, we do not.) Our Netfliks membership also gets frequent use through instant play movies. However, none of this is comparable to the experience of flipping through channels at 2 a.m., piecing together five minute intervals of shows I've either never heard of or love but usually don't see.

A couple of nights ago, I spent a full hour watching Face Off, the new reality series about special effects make-up artists. I enjoyed it tremendously because it was like watching Design Star meets SciFi channel. (Let's be honest here; these are my two favorite genres!) I caught the first episode in repeat and noticed another episode premieres tonight, though I have no idea how far into the season the show is. Still, if I can't be horizontal (which has been a problem due to coughing fits), I'll be parked in front of the t.v. for another look.

In addition, I found a couple of old friends - What Not to Wear and Say Yes to the Dress. Both of these shows appeal to the wanna-be fashionista in me (If only I were a size 4!). Still, Stacy and Clinton often work with larger women, showing them how to dress well and look good without being society's stereotypical twig. I like this show because it empowers women to take control of their lives by taking control of their image. (I've also learned a lot about how to shop!) However, last night's episode was not too successful. The make-over woman was a Barbie doll bimbo with overpoweringly glittery and overtly sexual outfits that she wore as everyday casual. These clothes coupled with platinum blonde, highly-fluffed hair, Tammy Faye Baker spider lashes, frosted pink lipstick, and a voice that sounds like a character from an anime porno flick were just too much for Stacy and Clinton. They tried over and over to make her understand that she looked like an aging Playboy Bunny, but she just wouldn't listen. She didn't want to wear anything appropriate, even though it looked great on her. In addition, in the make-up and hair portion, her look was toned down to a more natural, modern vibe and the woman was drop-dead gorgeous. Ultimately, she followed the "rules" and spent $5000 on a new wardrobe, which she said (at the end of the show) she wouldn't wear. I guess there's something to be said for having confidence, but it was sad to see her prefer the trashy look over flirty and beautiful. Even Stacy and Clinton were speechless - which is saying alot!

I've often fantasized about being on What Not to Wear, though I realize I'd have to walk around in a totally tacky wardrobe until someone nominated me. I can't help but wonder if a sincere letter begging for help, discussing the limited clothing options available around here, and pointing out that I'm a poor English teacher would do the trick. Alas, that is fodder for sweet dreams (which I hope to have tonight)!

Loving Where You Live

Browsing through model homes is one of my favorite ways to spend a lazy afternoon. I adore the upscale finishes, the interesting furniture, and the designer touches. No matter how large or small, expensive or frugal, I always find something in the models I could apply to my own home. Our recent visit to two communities is no different.

We began our trek with a visit to a community called SPACES, which offers a different feel for the valley of the sun. These houses sported mid-century modern architecture and interiors by IKEA. Unfortunately, the community just opened a couple of weeks ago, so only two models are available for touring. However, the layouts are available online at www.spacesforlife.net. The real appeal of these homes is the sleek, easy feeling of the building and interiors. The kitchen cabinetry shown is plain, dark wood with modern stainless steel handles. The island cabinetry is in a contrasting color, and the counter top is high end on the island, but more economical around the edges. This idea is one Jeff and I are toying with as we approach some upgrades to our own kitchen. The idea of leaving our current counter tops (which are a nice, black laminate that looks like granite) around the edges and spending a little money on a solid surface with some wow factor on the island makes sense for us. (We'll be doing a lot of the work ourselves and only putting in one slab will be much easier than trying to work around the sink, stove, etc.) In addition, the contrasting color of the island cabinetry really added to the upscale look and is something we could easily do.

Another lesson we took from SPACES is using a few modern finishes - like stainless steel hardware that ties into our appliances - to give our house a sleeker feel without being cold. These houses also sported black anchor furniture which contrasted beautifully against the white woodwork. This is an idea we have already worked on for our own space, and one we've seen used repeatedly on HGTV's top design shows. It seems to give a timeless, uncluttered feel to spaces, which is what we're after. Our house is currently done in reds and golds, which are pretty but feel a little warm and formal for us these days. We're moving toward clean and casual - a simplified style of living. (Am I sound transcendentalist yet?)

The other community we visited is Encanterra Country Club, and boy was it posh with a capital P! This place actually has nearly all of its homes modeled on a side street next to the club house. We walked through 12 houses, to be exact, but didn't agree on which is our favorite. Jeff liked one of the larger models because it had a secret room hidden behind a huge, framed mirror at the end of the hallway to the master. Behind the mirror rests a gorgeously traditional den complete with floor to ceiling bookcases, a massive carved desk, and lovely leather chairs. It looked like something straight out of a 19th century English novel. While I do love this room, and the idea that it is hidden, my favorite house is a smaller (comparatively) model with 2,121 square feet built around a central courtyard. Because of its location in the center of the house, it is in shade most of the day, making it an ideal Arizona outdoor space. In addition, two sides of the courtyard had huge sliding doors that opened the entire walls up to the house, giving it a true indoor/outdoor feel. The rest of the house is beautiful and functional, as well, but that courtyard is something I've dreamed of for many years. You can check out this community at http://www.trilogylife.com/communities/arizona/encanterra/.

While these communities are night and day versions of housing in our area, both offered quite a few green perks, including solar panels integrated into the roof to help offset electricity costs (especially while running the air conditioning in the summer time). This seems like a no brainer where the sun shines 300+ days a year, but these are the first houses we've seen where this kind of technology comes standard or as a featured upgrade. This is also a project we'd like to undertake, though it carries a pretty hefty price tag, even with tax credits and rebates. In the end, we'll keep looking and dreaming because we usually manage to find a way to make those dreams realities in our own house. In today's market, it's all about loving where you live now.