Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Day in the Life

For just one day I'd like to be a cat. Imagine spending 24 hours lounging in sunbeams, chasing dust particles, and getting purred. Yup, a day in the life of my beloved Licorice might go like this.

5:25 a.m. - Wake up because the people are getting ready for work. Be sure to race through the bedroom - tromping on Mama's stomach and galloping across Daddy's legs, startling them awake just before the alarm goes off. Of course, this daily service is provided just in case they forget to set the clock. In addition, the loud beeping is hard on delicate feline ears, so getting it turned off before the alarm sounds is all the better.

5:30-6:25 a.m. - Wind through Mama's feet once she gets out of the shower to help her dry off. Continue keeping her company by sitting on the bench and supervising her choice of attire for the day - purring especially loudly when her hand touches the leopard-print skirt. Next, move to the vanity to better help Mama select her accessories, being sure to paw at the dangly earrings and beaded bracelet so she knows which to choose. Remain on the vanity while she puts on her makeup, but jump down before the final dusting of powder and perfume since these tend to elicit feline sneezing fits.

6:25-6:35 a.m. - Ignore Daddy completely and trot along as Mama moves to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Be sure to stand up and stretch the front paws toward the counter so she remembers that kitties would also enjoy a bite of the farmer's casserole or cheese quiche she is reheating. While the microwave runs, be sure to lead Mama down the hall with plenty of plaintive mews so she can top off the food dish and provide ice water for the day.

6:35-6:55 a.m. - Repeatedly attempt to jump on Mama's lap while she eats breakfast. (After all, this is a cat's only opportunity to sit there before she leaves for work.) When she's finished, try jumping up one last time to let her know you're still waiting for a little morsel of love from her plate.

7:00 a.m.-2:20 p.m. - After following Mommy to the door and trying to slip into the garage (so she knows you'd really love to go to work with her) give her a mournful look as she closes the door. As soon as the garage door is locked, begin the day's fun. Spend plenty of time chasing Georgie through the circuit of the house being sure to unexpectedly stop so as to catch her off guard later making her long hair fuzz up as she plows headlong into the door jamb because she missed the pet door cutout in her haste. Interspersed with the Georgie games, wrestle with Bandit. Later ask Bandit to gang up on Mousy, chasing her to and fro until she erupts in a ball of hissing, spitting fur. Obviously, all of this exercise will take its toll, so after a good snack and a cool drink, curl up in the middle of the dining table and take a nap just in time for Jade to come home. (This helps perpetuate my image of laziness.)

4:00-7:00 p.m.- Greet the people at the door, again following closely on Mama's heels to see if she's putting on her pajamas (which means she's home for the day) or changing into jeans (which means she's leaving the felines to entertain themselves again). If she's leaving, be sure to give her a baleful cry and jump in her lap while she's tying her shoes to entice her to stay home and play (or at least to make her feel guilty for going back out). If she's staying home, stay with her as she walks through the house and jump in her lap each time she sits down. Remember, checking her email affords a prime petting opportunity since the office chair has plenty of extra room. When dinner time rolls around, repeat the breakfast procedure.

7:00-9:00 p.m. - After wolfing down the nightly wet cat food in several dishes (which is accomplished by the art of full body contact) jot downstairs to curl up on Mama's faux fur throw, which provides such great camouflage that black cats disappear when they close their eyes, for t.v. time. Be sure to beg for snacks if any are available. Give Mama perturbed glances when she moves around too much, and finally decides to go to bed.

9:00 p.m.-12:00 a.m. - Play with stuffed mice, being sure to bring a couple different kinds to Mama (in bed) so she can play along. Once she falls asleep, get out the jingle bell balls and play soccer in the hallway with Bandit. If Mama wakes up, offer her another mouse to toss. If not, continue the game with Bandit until someone scores 15 points.

12:00-5:25 a.m. - Sleep on Mama's feet until morning, but be sure to keep track of the days since weekends afford a nice change of pace.

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